I am who I am

It needs punctuation and... structure, to be honest. Or just an injection of creativity. This is the kind of poem that every amateur writer writes--using the same old cliches and the same old failed attempt at being fresh and new. Try harder next time.

I really liked it! Usually if you have a question in apoem it doesn't work, but yours did!

writer 4 all my life:

I liked it but it needs punctuation, but I didnt like the flow maybe you could add rhythm or rhyme

and maybe you could put into stanzas and fix the grammatical errors

'plain' is this what you meant or did you mean something else.

Also I think that taking out the emoticon out to make it, but overall it could be a good poem. Keep writing
-Rhianna

I liked it overall, but when you said "Do they like me for who I am or what I have become" Who you are and what you have become are basically the same thing, so you might want to say who i will become, or who i was or just come up with something else.
I like the subject alot.

Hey,
Loved it. But "plain" was sopposed to be "played", right? Cool and interasting! Keep up the good work. Hope to hear more!

-- M.B.Author

Am I a toy to be plain with

^ Dream Deep pointed that bit out, but i don't know if you actually meant played with or what :S sorry easily confused.

This could be something really good if you really look at it, take care of the punctuation stuff and just tweak bits here and there. Anywho good luck!

Meevs
x

Yeh, DD right it's mostly question but lack of puntuaction bothers me. Despite what people say poetry does need puntuaction. Anyway put puntuaction get rid of emoticon and got a great poem.

DD, yeah it probably is suppoused to be played.

VSN

Ah, you might want to consider doing away with the emoticon in the beginning... and maybe adding in some punctuation?

--

Here:

But what am I to everyone else
Am I a toy to be plain with
Or am I a person who has feelings

[Is that 'plain' meant to be 'played'?]


What do they think of me
Do they smile fake smiles or are they real
Do they like me for who I am or what I have become

[Here, make sure that the second 'they' does in fact refer to the smiles and not to the people.]


--

Overall, it has a nice concept and it could really be the basis for a later piece. As it is now, there are a lot of issues, grammatically and poetically that you might want to look after. But a good try, in a rather unpolished and unrefined way. ^_~ I think you should keep working on this - I'd like to see a rewrite. This has a nice concept, in the end. Maybe a little overdone, but you could make something of this. It'll doubtless take a lot of work, but I still think the idea's worth a rewrite. Keep at it! ^_^


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(Critted for the CCF)